◎ [加]玛·艾特伍德《门外，几番犹疑》
门外，几番犹疑
[加]玛格丽特•艾特伍德
Hesitations Outside the Door
Margaret Atwood
一
我说着错误的谎言，
它们甚至一无所用。
正确的谎言起码
是钥匙，能打开这扇门。
此门已关闭；椅子、
桌子、铁碗、在厨房里
做面包的我自己，都等在
门外。
I
I’m telling the wrong lies,
they are not even useful.
The right lies would at least
be keys, they would open the door.
The door is closed; the chairs,
the tables, the steel bowl, myself
shaping bread in the kitchen, wait
outside it.
二
那也是一个谎言，
我能够进去，如果我想。
这是谁的房子呢
你我居住其中
却都不是屋主
怎能指望我
熟门熟路
如果我想，我便能进去，
这不是问题所在，我没时间，
我该做点别的事，
而非忙着你。
II
That was a lie also,
I could go in if I wanted to.
Whose house is this
we both live in
but neither of us owns
How can I be expected
to find my around
I could go in if I wanted to,
that’s not the point, I don’t have time,
I should be doing something
other than you.
三
你要从我这儿得到什么
你，走过长长的地板，向我走来
你双臂展开，心
明晃晃的，透过肋骨
你的头上套着一顶
闪着血光的冠冕
这是你的城堡，这是你的金属大门
这些是你的阶梯、你的
骨头，你将一切可能的向度
扭进了你自身
III
What do you want from me
you who walk towards me over the long floor
your arms outstretched, your heart
luminous through the ribs
around your head a crown
of shining blood
This is your castle, this is your metal door,
these are your stairs, your
bones, you twist all possible
dimensions into your own
四
换一种版本：你穿行于
这所房子的每条灰暗街道，
墙壁坍塌，一盘盘菜肴
解冻了，葡萄藤
在开始温化的冷柜中生长
我说，让我独自
呆一会儿，这是我的冬季，
如果我乐意，我会呆在这儿
你不会听从
阻抗机制，你将我盖满
旗帜，这是个暗红色的
季节，你将所有其他颜色
从我身上删除
IV
Alternate version: you advance
through the grey streets of this house,
the walls crumble, the dishes
thaw, vines grow
on the softening refrigerator
I say, leave me
alone, this is my winter,
I will stay here if I choose
You will not listen
to resistances, you cover me
with flags, a dark red
season, you delete from me
all other colours
五
别让我对你这么做，
你不是那些他人，
你是你自己
甩掉那些签注、那些虚假的
身体，这并不
适合你的爱
这不是一所房子，没有门，
走出去吧，趁它还
敞开着，趁你还能走得出去
V
Don’t let me do this to you,
you are not those other people,
you are yourself
Take off the signatures, the false
bodies, this love
which does not fit you
This is not a house, there are no doors,
get out while it is
open, while you still can
六
如果我们互相编造故事
说房间里有什么东西
那么我们将永远无需进入
你说：我另外的老婆
都在里面，她们个个美丽
幸福，深爱着我，为何还要
打扰她们呢
我说：那不过是
一只碗橱，我收藏的
信封，复活节的彩
蛋，我的指环
在你的口袋那些瘦女人
挂在钩子上，拆解了
我的脖子上戴着
我爱侣的头，像一朵摘下的
花那样压平在金属的视网膜上
VI
If we make stories for each other
about what is in the room
we will never have to go in.
You say: my other wives
are in there, they are all
beautiful and happy, they love me, why
disturb them
I say: it is only
a cupboard, my collection
of envelopes, my painted
eggs, my rings
In your pockets the thin women
hang on their hooks, dismembered
Around my neck I wear
the head of the beloved, pressed
in the metal retina like a picked flower.
七
我们是否应该一起
进去 ／ 如果我和你
一道进去，我便永远出不来
如果我在外等着，我还能拯救
这所房子或者它所剩下的
我还能保留
我的蜡烛、我死去的叔叔
我定的各种限制
但是你要独自
前去，任一条
路都是丧失
告诉我这是为了什么
在那房间我们什么也不会发现
在那房间我们只会发现彼此
VII
Should we go into it
together / If I go into it
with you I will never come out
If I wait outside I can salvage
this house or what is left
of it, I can keep
my candles, my dead uncles
my restrictions
but you will go
alone, either
way is loss
Tell me what it is for
In the room we will find nothing
In the room we will find each other
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得一忘二/译========================================================================
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